dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
