My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
