you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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