He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
