ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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