If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize