how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
