We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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