it hurts more in the daytime
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize