I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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