i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
