so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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