He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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