Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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