seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
