He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
