Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
