i was born a porn star she said
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
