I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
