Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
