You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
