Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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