shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
