I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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