so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
