sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
