But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
