he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she told me i tasted like america
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
