when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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