Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
