My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
