wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
