Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want nice things and good sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
