So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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