is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize