He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
