I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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