sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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