Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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