Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
