You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize