were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
