Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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