We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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