I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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