Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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