I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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