I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
