i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
