There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Green mimosas i think yes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
