Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
