I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
