It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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