The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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