dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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