Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
