so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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