We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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