im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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