your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
