Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
