Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
