My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
