Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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