Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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