shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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