my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
