My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
