So drunk its hurt
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The Olympian is in my bed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
