last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
