Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
