Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
