No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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