So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
