you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
