is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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